this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think a kid would responsible me up
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
