my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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