Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
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I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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