That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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