Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
