He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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