WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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