I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
God, I missed his penis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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