I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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