Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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