He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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