i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up backwards on a recliner
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
