What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
