Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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