Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize