I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
