ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
