last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
