How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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