when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
