He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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