You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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