but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
