do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
