1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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