Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
