i just google imaged poop.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
