Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
