nutella sex= disaster
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
