fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
