why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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