Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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