He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
