I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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