was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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