Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
