i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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