you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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