so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
