Its about making memories worth repressing
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
