I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can you repeat that, but with context?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
