I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
