Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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