Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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