He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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