I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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