Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
