Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
