Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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