Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
well you can't waste a boner
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
