R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
