Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
