i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
