We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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