I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
