I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Couch. On fire.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
