my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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