I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
