I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
