Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
