fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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