hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
