i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
