i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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