i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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