So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
