I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
