I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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