Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
