actually, I'm a sock model
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
