Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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