So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
