I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
