I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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