VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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