I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
