i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Come see our sink grown plant.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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