My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
