Will you blow on my dice?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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