went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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