And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
