Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
